Yes, date #11….This is date #11. I wasn’t able to report on 8, 9, and 10, but I’m counting them in the count, because I made the effort to message them and meet them….They count as the labor that this process takes, the labor of the outsider trying to make meaningful connections on the inside, not having the privilege of being introduced by friends of friends. They count as the labor it takes to get out of your social context. Date #8 stood me up for brunch…first he made me wake up early on a Saturday then he stood me up. Date #9 left when I went to the toilet…around this time N wrote me an email about how I was exploiting these poor guys sincerely looking for love. I don’t think that guy matched my level of sincerity. Date #10 wasn’t as bad except he sort of thoughtlessly asked me to meet him a the London Eye on a weekend without any plan after that, and we ended up at the Waterstones near Trafalgar square, so I didn’t even have a toilet to do my my post first impressions vlog in. Yes, that’s the Waterstones the American tourist was locked in over night this week.. That’s a good measure of the quality of that date actually.
The Predate Vlog
Earlier this year Mindy Kaling wrote an article in the New Yorker about the sparkling science fiction world of Romantic Comedies. I imagine the world of my blog as the ugly step child of this world… with all of the desire but none of the easy happy endings and vapid stupidity. Instead there is a lot of toxic reality, and my fight to find hope in it.
This is what Mindy Kaling said about architects:
“Whenever you meet a handsome, charming, successful man in a romantic comedy, the heroine’s friend always says the same thing: “He’s really successful. He’s”—say it with me—“an architect!”
There are, like, nine people in the entire world who are architects, and one of them is my dad. None of them look like Patrick Dempsey.”
There you go… architects are gold dust from Rom Com world
This is the first time I’ve dated an architect, and it’s no wonder, because as a profession architecture is first to fall victim to a recession, and the last to recover later. That’s the real reason architects are gold dust, because Romantic Comedies are constructed from post war fantasies of success that are actually pretty dated.
So this is the first time I’ve dated an architect…I’m not a willing victim to Rom Com world, but I do have some romantic associations with the word. As an artist I’m always trying to balance creative and practical traits in the men I meet. If my partner is too practical, they won’t understand my impractical professional, something I’m passionate about and a reason I’m swimming up the stream of society most of the time. If my partner is too creative, he might also be constantly swimming up the stream…his instability might make me less stable.
But besides his profession, do I have any reason to like this guy? Either he’s too busy to build rapport in messages or I am. His profile was good…in a generic kind of way. I’m just hoping that IRL could be different.
Post First Impressions Vlog
So I realized a long time ago that red wine is not a good look on me, but I’ve started to resent the idea that someone would hold the way a specific type of alcohol changes my appearance against me…even in my video log…no it was the lighting, definitely the lighting! Anyway, what about the guy? “The length of the date bodes well, but the Unconventional woman’s voice is detached as she describes the feeling of pleasantly gliding along the surface.”……Not exactly a reason to skip the red wine.
The Post Date Denouement: Reflections on the Intimacy Machine
I should say up to this time a lot of my dating theory has been based on something I call the intimacy machine…The intimacy machine is not physical, It’s mental, but it might be neurochemical. When you open up to someone, it’s like a dare for the other person to open up. I found the machine on accident because I like talking to people, but I hate superficial conversations. Often the machine resembles the tropes of pillow talk or kiss and tell, there’s mutual vulnerability and an emotional bond is formed. It’s a dangerous place to be in: you might find someone’s deep dark secret and realize you shouldn’t be in the intimacy machine with them. It takes a lot of strength of character to climb out of the machine once the process is initiated. I’ve been telling my friends about this machine. My position has been if you don’t turn the machine on during your date, nothing happens, so it’s a risk worth taking. Some people have suggested that I turn the machine on…a little slower.
I tried that on this date. I’m not too sure about the results? I invited my friends along for the post date vlog to get their take on it.
You can follow me, The Unconventional Woman, on Twitter @ LeUnconventionl